Well, after learning way more about spelunking through server logs than I really wanted to, iWeb finally agrees that the server-crashy problems I've been having as of late are actually hardware (as do ZOP/Spaz/people who know more about these things than I do). The good news is that I was planning on upgrading my server in the very near future, since the dedicated plan I'm on has improved significantly in the year and a half since I got the server, so I can get an upgrade to a shiny new box by renewing my contract. Kinda like cell carriers and hardware upgrades, eh?

So, expect some downtime which will probably not go as smoothly as I'd like, but ultimately needs to be done. Should be within the next few days. Hopefully well before Barcelona...

Speaking of cell phones, I'm so bloody annoyed by artificial limitations. My dream phone/PDA actually exists, yet is held back by the fact that it has the Euro 3G band instead of North America. I should just move to Europe :P

...7th birthday to stephthegeek.com!

I just looked at the date and realized it :)

Archive.org doesn't go all the way back, but check this out from '01...

...but some local testing has confirmed that it is indeed moderately straightforward to upgrade my site to Drupal 5.1. The real motivation here isn't so much the upgrade (although D5 does have some significant improvements over 4.7), but to also provide an excuse to clean up the damn mess around here. As my first Drupal experience, it was a huge amount to bite off and the 1/4 of my original plans that I managed to execute, I did pretty badly :P Nasty raw SQL queries, hacked modules, horrible use of templates, yadda yadda.

Now that I actually know what I'm doing, I've been dying to clean the place up... both simplifying the site structurally and bringing it closer to my vision. Since I don't have to deal with importing several user/permissions systems (Nuke, phpBB, aMember, Gallery 2, and Wordpress [yes, I was insane]), things will run so much smoother once all the extra crap is ripped out.

So... sometime in the next few weeks, I'll have finished re-creating the theme properly, got the site upgrade path established, and tweaked things enough that I'll be able to bring it down for a day or so and do the overhaul on the live site. It probably won't look a heck of a lot different, other than cleaning up a lot of awkward bits and pieces. Oh and I'm 99% decided that I'm going to keep all photos on Flickr going forward and interface with their API to pull pics onto here, so I'm not duplicating all my galleries in two places.

It's really felt like a messy house around here. Started to weigh on my psyche or something.

I don't think I realized what an emotional burden it was to feel unable to support myself.  It's one thing to know you're headed in the right direction, but it's another thing entirely to be doing work that society is willing to actually pay you for.

Not out of the woods yet, but it really feels great to be working these Drupal jobs, and getting the new site up and running.  It's been a real financial struggle, since we're not only incurring housing/food/etc. costs, but the site runs me a few hundred bucks into the ground every month its not earning income.  The thought of having a balance on credit cards makes me slightly nauseous.  It will take a few weeks before the money actually ends up in an account, but I think we will make it  :)  I don't have to pay the final immigration fees until the interview date (March 15th), so that should be just enough time.

~~ 

I spent some time thinking about grad school stuff again yesterday, and I think I will be applying to both UC Berkeley and a Ryerson/York program back in Toronto.  Honestly, I'd rather do the Berkeley program and stay down here a bit longer, but the Ryerson/York one is great too, and it wouldn't be for another year and a half anyway.

~~ 

In other news, GTD rocks my socks. I've been very good about putting things on my calendar/task list right away. It's quite freeing. You need to be sort of obsessive about it, but I can't remember how many times in the past I'll be like, "oh yeah, I read about that weeks ago!" for something that it's now too late to go to. 

Soooo many conferences I want to go to! I seriously need to either be a student again or work for a company that pays my way.

~~

One more plea -- bookkeepers out there?

My accountant does corporate taxes for a pretty reasonable fee, but I'm kinda lost in QuickBooks...  

This year is looking so much brighter than most of 2006.

I'm feeling happier, calmer, and more able to deal with the ups and downs. I was really starting to panic at my sensitivity to so many situations. Usually I'm, well, excitable, but able to handle things. It was at the point where setbacks were constantly freaking me out. So much change. Starting to feel some momentum again. Boy have I ever learned the value of momentum.

Landed fFree passes to the MacWorld Expo (priority code: DIGG [thanks stevie!]).  On that note, OMFGIPHONEWANTWANTWANT!  Wish the bugger was 3G though.

I just landed a Drupal contract, with another one in the works, which should be both a lot of fun and some much-needed income. I got into the choir, as mentioned before. We had our first rehearsal last night, and of course worked on the pieces that I practiced precisely the least :P So I didn't exactly blow anyone away with my preparation, but I did my best. It's a phenomenally talented group. I hope I can pull some of you Northern Californians out of the woodwork to catch a concert or two :D

Beautiful songs, mainly French (thank god for being Canadian), some insanely complex/fast pieces. Have a listen to #17 here. Meagan I think you'd like that one.. it's all about dryads and other delightful creatures :) But holy hell I don't know how to sing French that fast.

It's starting to really feel like home, getting involved with things locally, meeting people, etc. Actually it feels like we have a real bedroom now too. We put up the curtain track and finished the "closet" area. Pics to follow.

I also unfortunately found out that my new billing service (Verotel), while wonderful, does not operate in quite the way I thought it did, so I'm having to re-think the way I was going to run the new site. Oy. But I'm working on it. Will likely be going back to more of a membership model than the planned downloads a la carte. It's a constant reminder why so few people do what I'm doing... I must be nuts.

Word of the day: loup-garou. It means werewolf in French :)

I posted this over at .tv but here it is for you all to see. There's a lot more to say about this but I think most will be revealed once I get the new .tv up. I'm tired of charging for something that I don't feel right charging for. I'm determined to keep tinkering with the recipe until it's right.

It's been an eventful week :)

Dearest visitors,

First of all, I would like to thank you for your support over these years. And with that ominous statement out of the way, I’m pleased to announce that I am making StephTheGeek.TV free from this point forward. I am canceling all rebilling accounts effective immediately, but the site will remain up and active in its current state for at least a week for current members.

All cams will be free to the public, but the photoshoots and videos will be sold à la carte in the future on the site sexygeekgirl.com (nothing there yet). I still have a lot of fun with them but I need to do it when I want to, not when I feel like I should. The lucky few with lifetime memberships will have free lifetime access to all future photos and videos on this site. Anyone who has a three or six month membership with time remaining past December will receive a coupon to use on the photo/video site as credit for your remaining time. StephTheGeek.TV will become my life sharing project site, and StephTheGeek.com will remain as the personal and community site.

While the membership site has given me the financial means to explore new technology in the field, I have been feeling boxed in by the desires and expectations of paying members. This feeling of obligation has been inhibiting my creativity and dedication to my true passion of sharing my life online in many ways with as large an audience as possible. I’ve found new excitement in this little experiment of mine, and I’m afraid it’s not something that aligns well with a commercial endeavour.

Also, the rebilling and membership access part of the site has been my biggest source of frustration since the beginning, and hey, I could use a little less complication in my life right now :) The site will still cost hundreds of dollars a month to run, so I will be accepting donations on StephTheGeek.TV, but only as an optional gesture of support for my continued exploration.

Please contact me if you have any questions or concerns!

~ Stephanie

(private entry for now) 

Had a very strange conversation with someone in my chat room last night, who claims to have known me online for the better part of the year... except my name was "Allison". I've run into people using my photos or a few details in online profiles before, but this was apparently a close friendship for months. I figured it was B.S. at first (and am still not entirely sure), but I thought I'd mention it here in case anyone wants to come forward with information.

The freakiest thing was that he thought I was Allison, that I wasn't the real me. Very strange to have your own identity questioned... I felt like I was in a twisting Hollywood plotline.

Apparently they met on World of Warcraft, around when I started playing for my school project back in the winter. I don't know what name she was using, and he mentioned EQ as well. She said her name was Allison Parker, apparently had a lot of my graphics and photos up here (most removed now).

Apparently she was not only using my photos, but my entire life story... my parents, relationship history, school, interests, best friend named "ambrosia". He kept saying over and over again how he couldn't believe how elaborate it was. He found out when a friend of his found my site and recognized "her" apparently.

<stephthebed> ahhh i see. how did this person make the connection between her and my site?
<trepvide> i have no idea
<trepvide> never said... also showed me some.. naked pictures of you which you may or may not know are circulating

*chuckle*

"Alipark" has apparently vanished now, so we'll probably never know what exactly was going on. If all this is true, I certainly feel bad for the guy... what a mindfuck.

Working on starting something up that is both an area that I love, and has the potential to be rather successful.

The last few days have had periods of giddy excitement, being completely overwhelmed, feeling confident and excited, and being scared shitless.

Daddypopp got me a fantastic book for my birthday, The War of Art... and I remembered this quote that I had to go back and look up:

The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident.  The real one is scared to death. . . The professional tackles the project that will make him stretch.  He takes on the assignment that will bear him into uncharted waters, compel him to explore unconscious parts of himself.  Is he scared?  Hell, yes.  He's petrified.

And a few others:

The professional, though he accepts money, does his work out of love.  He has to love it.  Otherwise he wouldn't devote his life to it of his own free will.  The professional has learned, however, that too much love can be a bad thing. . . The seeming detachment of the professional, the cold-blooded character to his demeanor, is a compensating device to keep him from loving the game so much that he freezes in action. 

Of any activity you do, ask yourself: If I were the last person on earth, would I still do it?

Someone once asked the Spartan king Leonidas to identify the supreme warrior virtue from which all others flowed.  He replied: "Contempt for death."  For us as artists, read "failure." 

On your personal territory:

A territory is a closed feedback loop.  Our role is to put in effort and love; the territory absorbs this and gives it back to us in the form of well-being.

A territory can only be claimed by work. . . A territory doesn't give, it gives back.

A territory returns exactly what you put in. . . Every erg of energy you put in goes infallibly into your account.

I've never regretted a moment of the things I've done online and the art I've created in pursuit of what I love and believe in. 

Wonderful book for anyone who needs a kick in the pants.

Chris explained something to me yesterday that was both poignant and hilarious.  I was trying to explain that my site(s) weren't that different from other personal/blog/cam sites I see... okay, I might get into it a little more and get slightly obsessive at optimizing and enhancing at times, but really, the elements are the same.

He interrupts and says:  "Sweetie, no it's not.  You're fucking insane for doing what you do.  If you did what you do for your own site for other companies, you'd be off making six figures somewhere right now.  You're like that weird guy who has his own roadside attraction because he's turned his house into a replica of an entire Moorish castle made out of tin cans or cheese or something.  You know the story, it took him forty years of his life to build it and he lost his family in the process, but he just wouldn't stop."

This is probaby better suited to a FAQ but lacking that at the moment, the forums seem to be a good place :)

I've used Yahoo Widgets (formerly Konfabulator) on and off and they can be handy little buggers. Now that I've got even more cams, I thought it'd be a good time to point out a handy widget that's great for viewing multiple cams (mine, others, any cams!). You can position it anywhere, make it always on top, and easily switch between a multi-cam and single cam view.

Start by downloading and installing Yahoo Widgets (making sure to uncheck the toolbars and default search engines and crap, unless you want them). Then I right-click and close pretty much all the widgets it comes with :P Download the Multicam widget and open the file from within Yahoo Widgets. Go into Multicam's preferences and click on cams 1-4, adding in the URLs for whatever cams you want. Here would be the settings for mine:

Cam #1 - http://www.stephthegeek.com/stephcam.jpg 1 min refresh
Cam #2 - http://www.stephthegeek.com/cam1.jpg 15 sec refresh
Cam #3 - http://www.stephthegeek.com/cam3.jpg 15 sec refresh
Cam #4 - http://www.stephthegeek.com/viewcam.jpg 10 min refresh

Anyone know of any other handy cam utilities?

Steph "Making herself easily stalkable since 2001" TheGeek