Ok, a little expansion on my last post.  I've been whining about wanting to cut my hair for a couple of years now.  I haven't had long hair since I was, oh, seven years old.  I remember getting it cut to my chin because that was a condition for getting a pool -- my mom didn't want to deal with combing out my chlorined hair every day.

Anywho... this reminds me of a story.  I went to a private school for elementary school.  We could wear (within reason) any black shoes.  Most girls wore some kind of loafers or mary janes.  I wore Doc Martens.  Without laces.  I was teased incessantly for these, not to mention yelled at by the school directors.  I remember an episode of Fresh Prince where he wore his mandatory school blazer inside out to express his rebellion and individuality without technically breaking school rules.  This was kind of like that  :)  The only wrist jewelry allowed was a watch or medical bracelet.  So I wore 2-3 watches.  I preferred my shoelaces untied (it made changing into my runners at recess and lunch for rugby much quicker), but that was against the rules, so I just took them out.  When I got called out for that, I put in fluorescent yellow and pink laces.  But I ended up caving and going back to no laces.  They were just too practical.  Form over fashion. 

So that brings me back to my hair.  I love long hair.  I love how long hair looks on me.  I love the things I can do with it.  I love the compliments I get on it.  I think it's flattering and beautiful.  But I hate hate hate taking care of it  :(  I think I was born without some kind of girl gene that kicks in and says "yes, you can expend some time and effort into making yourself more attractive!"  Sigh.  Our bathroom floor always looks like a hairbrush war zone, with the teeth from brushes scattered everywhere.  I sweep and more of my hair comes off the ground than Zoe's.  I spit my toothpaste on it, have to put it up when I bathe, lay on it and it drives me crazy, and don't get me started on how annoying it is with backpacks.

It's in horrible shape from bleaching it so much.  Which brings me to another point -- I can't do what I want to with colours because I have to restrain myself from dyeing it, since it's so long and in terrible condition.  Argh.  I guess I wonder why I'm putting up with being frustrated and annoyed by it on a daily basis.  The turning point was a few days ago when Chris and I were in the shower and having a conversation about becoming a caricature of oneself.  

It's like... you know when a band has a really successful album.  Then they release another album and it's nothing like the first.  And people are disappointed.  They say the band has sold out, or lost their edge, or maybe they just lose interest... but in reality, people simply change.  I put myself out online in this great feedback loop, but the reality is that the vast majority of people only spend enough time or get to know me in a way where they have to fill in the gaps themselves.  We use stereotypes and generalizations because they save time by helping us categorize people.  So when I change, that often doesn't make sense to people because they're trying to reconcile it with the small image they have of me.

Ooookay I'm getting off topic here.  What I'm trying to say is that I think that keeping my hair long is something I've been doing for very external reasons.  It's a trap I don't want to fall into, because not only is it not authentic, it becomes cannibalistic.  Just like how if my site was my full time job, it would eat itself by not having anything else for me to be, to talk about, to bring to the experience.  

It's kind of scary though, because I've been growing my hair, well, since I started this site.  I imagine that people usually make aesthetic decisions based on the belief that something will look better than it did before.  Honestly, I don't think shorter hair is as attractive on me, but I feel like such a damn fool for bitching about it every day.  I just don't think I can do it anymore.  I'm not being who I want to be because I'm scared it's not going to be "pretty enough"  :(

Maybe I'll get a long wig to use for photos occasionally  :) 

I WANT TO BE THE GIRL WITH THE FLAMING PURPLE BOB AGAIN!

(P.S. I'm thinking chin-length [kinda like my 2001 cam pics] and going back to my bangs again)